i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Randomize