Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Randomize
