i permit you to call me
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
