.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize