bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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