Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
