i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
