He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
