I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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