she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
