I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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