ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
You were trust falling into bushes
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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