I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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