i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
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