I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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