i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
