I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize