Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
i dont even know how to be here
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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