she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
