My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
