why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
stop calling my apartment porn island.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Randomize
