She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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