I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Randomize
