If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
We had to coat check the pizza.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize