Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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