Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Randomize
