I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
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