I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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