I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
she pinky promised me she was 18
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
