God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
