you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
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