ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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