I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize