My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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