Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
