I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
