no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
