i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
