Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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