Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Can't talk, ducks in the car
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
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