so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize