I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
