As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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