So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
