Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
