It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
