exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
