There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
