Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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