Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
