I'm lost and stupid without you.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
