Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
