shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
