At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
