its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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