but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Randomize
