Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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