I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
