dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
