....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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