Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
