you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I did not marry a roomba.
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