my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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