I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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