That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
