Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
