I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
