You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
