I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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