She went from zero to smokin in five shots
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize