Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Randomize
