I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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