I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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