At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I AM VODKA MAN
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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