He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
